A Little Bit Of Oil And Flour

I asked the Lord one morning if I should give up what I had been working on for the last three years and a bit and He asked me this in return, "Why? Because it got harder?"

I guess the answer is no.

For a little over three years, I have been running my online shop which was founded by necessity when my husband and I were in extremely dire straits financially on the mission field. My inspiration to do something which I had never done before came from reading a blog of a mom who made purses to sell online. Talk about jumping in without knowing what I was doing. Along the way, I learned how to move from being a maker to running a business, and while I have learned a lot in the last three years, I am still learning while feeling like I know nothing.

This past season was the hardest retail season for me. I guess most shop owners or business owners would never admit such a thing out loud in public and normally, I wouldn't either. But, I know it is a storm to weather and I know that this means I must re-evaluate and focus on what I need to do to come out stronger. I also think that too many people go through similar circumstances without actually sharing about them so we all believe we are the only odd person going through them which brings on the feelings of inadequacy and shame. Anyway, back to what I was saying, during difficult times like these, I sometimes feel that perhaps I should let it all go and focus on something else, and so I bring this all to Him in prayer and ask Him what I should do and if He wants me to give it up. And for the last three years or so, He has shown me I needed to continue through various ways. Perhaps, what matters more to Him is that I learn from this the things I would not have otherwise learned elsewhere. Perhaps, what matters more to Him is not that I achieve my goals as a shop owner, or whatever title I happen to have at any given time. However, I'm hoping somewhere in that learning curriculum there is a category for me that says, "Shop Owner Goals Achieved" because I am the type of person who wants to see results, and quickly.

Perhaps, that's where the problem lies. God doesn't work according to my time table. He has a timing for everything and while it seems that He's taking forever to me, to Him His timing is perfect. And to be honest, His timing is truly perfect and I can't deny it after having seen all that He has done for me throughout these years. But, I am human and I battle between my own cultural mindset and God's mindset. My own cultural mindset says, "I want it now and if not now, yesterday." Meanwhile, I am reminded that God made a promise to Abraham which didn't come to pass until  25 years later. Groan. Head smack. Yes, I am still human and my deep groans of impatience and head smacking do sometimes surface and become audible.

All groaning aside and every bit of impatience stifled, I admit I don't have the answers. Yet, I know that I must continue; I must get up, pick up my mat and walk forward since no one actually walks backward, so forward it must be!

Is there fear? Oh yes. I don't know how much more uncertainty I can take. But then, the widow who had the little oil and a little flour left thought she was only going to make one last meal for her and her son before they would wait to die from starvation, but God intervened through the prophet Elijah and that little bit of oil and flour never ended and was used to feed not only the widow and her son but Elijah as well for a few years. Side note to all of us who think carbs and fat are plain evil because I did a double take when I realized it was carbs and fat that actually kept this little family and Elijah alive for a few years. Not one single veggie or protein was mentioned. Hmm, something to think about here. Anyway, I got sidetracked. Where was I?

God. Yes, no matter what my arguments are, they always come back to these two words that defy all odds. "But God."

He said that it is not by our strength, nor our power that mountains get flattened into plains, but instead, it is through His Spirit that things get done.

His Holy Spirit. The same power in us that also raised Jesus from the dead creating hope when there did not seem to be any.

So, going forward means I will cling to that truth, I will hold on to that tenaciously and change what I need to change, and remember that He will come through, one way or another.


  1. Thanks for sharing. I’ve really struggled with Amazon Associates.

    1. I'm glad it resonates with you, Yevette. I don't think any of it is easy at all, whether it's e-commerce or a start-up, because any time it's our own business, it takes a lot of work and often times, things like SEO and algorithms get in the way. Praying it gets better for you.


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