Playing the comparison game, a self analysis.

I battle daily, as do you, I'm sure. Our battles might be similar or they might not be. Whatever they are, we battle on a daily basis.

Without meaning to, sometimes, while doing research or reading up on different articles, I might read an opinion someone has which might be the opposite to mine and without thinking about it or meaning to, I am debilitated.

Debilitated in my ability to write, to form my own opinions for fear of being called out as being wrong and incorrect. It first grips me with a sense of being less than. Less than the person whose opinion I had just read about, less than them because they seem so knowledgeable, so noble in their aspirations. It affects me when I open up my blog to write.

I don't believe I measure up, not after reading that article, I whisper to myself. In fact, I don't, I add and find reasons to walk away from writing for another day.

Comparing myself to others is not something I do regularly nor consciously. I look at Instagram photos without comparing myself and my works to those I see on my screen, rather I enjoy looking at and enjoying the creativity of others in those small squares. I don't consider myself to be a person who compares myself with others.

Yet.

Why do I do it with my very core values and my writing?  Why do I care if my opinions are not what others agree on?

Because I want to be thought of well by others.

Hmm.

I tend to see things from a different perspective than others. Is that a bad thing because I don't follow the wave that others follow?

According to society at present, yes. If I do not agree with everything that is put out there, I am less and my opinions do not matter.

And to myself, I ask this question, "Does it matter then, what society thinks of me?"



There is a tinge of fear that courses through me when I think of the answer I know I will give. Yet, it is not an answer that comes forth from my lips, but another question, " What are the repercussions for me when I give the answer I will give?"

I don't know and maybe that is what makes me look for excuses to not write.

While it may not seem like it, the crux of the matter, the core of who I am has been murky to me lately. In the busyness of doing life, I have sometimes forgotten who I am. Society today demands that we wear many hats, take on many different positions, do and be many different things.

In the course of it all, my real identity, that of the daughter of God has been somewhat buried under the many different hats needed to be worn. It is easy to forget that underneath this person who is flawed and defective is actually a daughter of God. And I'm not saying this in a way that equates me with God on the same level, or that I am a god in some aspect, or that I am superior to others because I am a daughter of His.

It's just that amidst the questioning and the battling of thoughts in the mind and the wondering if I am less than or enough or whatever else that is just so exhausting to think about, I have forgotten whose I am and who I am.

God does not compare me to people in the bible and say, "Why are you not more like Ruth who goes out into the fields and gleans the wheat and barley behind the men?" or "Why do you think and talk so much instead of being like my daughter Mary who sits and contemplates the things I put out to her silently?" Or He could say, "Girl, you got it so good, look at my son John who had to eat locusts and honey while wearing camel fur in the desert heat!"

Right there, I am out of the comparison game. I don't think I can hack wearing camel or any other type of fur in the desert heat or eat locusts unless they were ground up and mixed into a drink or something.

But thankfully, God doesn't compare me. He didn't do that to the other Mary either when Martha started comparing the two of them to Jesus. Mary is Mary and Martha is Martha. Just like Ruth is Ruth and I am me. He knows I need to process my thoughts by talking out loud and He has also equipped the people around me, namely my husband, with a lot of grace to be able to put up with me talking out loud a lot. He gives me the perspective from which to see the things I see, so different than what others see. I do not seek it, but He shows me all the same.

I am a daughter of His, just like many are daughters of His. Yet, I don't have to be like them all, nor they, I. Just because who I am may not be popular in today's season according to society does not make me less in who I am with God. He has equipped me, given me insight and wisdom according to His grace and according to the calling and purpose He has given me. So there is no need for me to think I am inferior to someone else. I am neither inferior nor superior to others.

I am just called with specific natural and spiritual giftings to walk in the purpose given to me.

As are you.

Which means we don't need to compare ourselves to others nor seek the approval of society if our perspectives and opinions don't line up with what the majority says we should conform to.

The question we should ask ourselves is this: am I who my Father wants me to be in Christ?

And should there be repercussions to the answer to that question, then I guess I will have to once again remember who I am in Christ and remember that Jesus did not promise us all a bed of roses along with salvation. He promised us that He will never leave nor abandon us and that He will strengthen us so that we can do (endure, deal with) all things.

This means I will keep writing.

And besides, who wants to have people who agree with them all the time, anyway?










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