Should We Talk About Our Spouses Negatively To Our Girlfriends

 As a woman, I do love meeting with other ladies to converse about a myriad of things, gleaning from them as well as contributing nuggets of wisdom. With kindred spirits, as Anne Shirley would say, I can pass long hours sharing thoughts, ideas, and things about God without fear of being maligned.  

On the other hand, I have a tough time being around ladies who gossip about others, and who speak negatively about their husbands. There is nothing wrong with having differences of opinions, I believe we can take away different ideas from each other if we remain respectful and mindful of being kind with our words and not perceive differences of opinions as personal attacks. However, there is something toxic about being around women who seem to only speak negatively about their spouses or want to know the negative bits of my life not because they are truly interested but as a way to use any knowledge gleaned about me or any other person to demonstrate some form of perceived power.

We cannot change how others behave and there are all sorts of people in the world, however, it is up to us to discern in whose company we are in order to gauge how much information we should divulge. This brings me to a point I would like to share with other ladies.

As women, there is a tendency at times to feel that in order to commiserate with other women or to maybe not give off an air that we have it "good", we might speak about the negative aspects of our spouses to other women. While it might make us feel as if we are "part of the group" at the moment, this could cause undue problems later on. The information we have shared could be distributed to others who might not understand the context in which we have shared the information and possibly cause them to view our spouses in a negative light. While there are habits about our spouses that could be irritating to us, putting them out there in public will not bring about a solution. Would we want our spouses to share our negative traits with their buddies the same way we share theirs with our girlfriends?

Before we open our mouths to say anything about our spouses to others unless it is a case of physical or psychological abuse, we need to ask ourselves a few key questions. 


1. Would I say this if my spouse was standing right here listening? If the answer is no, say nothing.

2. Why do I feel I need to say something negative about my spouse just because others are doing the same about their spouses? 

3. Is this about me being affirmed and accepted if I share about my spouse's negative traits?

4. Will this make my marriage better or make it worse should my spouse learn of it?

5. Am I showing my spouse respect and love before these ladies?

One thing we need to know is that when we get married, we become a team. The bible says we become one flesh. This means we begin to work as one, as a team for the greater good of us as a couple and a family. Teamwork means bolstering and supporting one another in the good and the bad, it means being patient and walking with each other through our trials and difficulties. We cleave to, protect and make each other our priorities. This means we acknowledge that our partners are not perfect but we do not need to expose their weaknesses unless it is to a select few in order to better the marriage.

Ephesians 5:33 tells us to respect our husbands. Ladies, are we doing that even when our husbands are not around through how we speak of them to others? 

Let's be careful and mindful of what we say about our spouses because instead of making things better, we could be inadvertently hurting our own marriages in order to gain acceptance and sympathy from our girlfriends.


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